I am learning. Learning that admitting I can't handle something doesn't mean I am inadequate. It means I am honest. It means I have a clear perspective of what I can handle versus what I am not (and may never be) prepared to handle.
This is particularly difficult when it comes to family and when you have been raised with a 'hero' (the need to save the world) complex all your life.
I am much better than I ever was before as I had cut off from my family for many years. But recently I tried again, thinking I could be of some help and perhaps make up for all of the years that I couldn't be there for them.
I have learned things that I thought I already knew. That you can't help those who don't want to be helped, you can't make them want to be helped and anything done out of guilt, even the tiniest little bit only makes things worse.
I've learned that I can not, nor do I have to, stand by and watch my sisters continue to allow themselves to be used. I don't have to watch my siblings continually bullied by my father. I have chosen to walk away from that life and to live among people who have chosen sanity. I can only work on me. And when my sisters decide to walk away in search of help, they know where to find me. I have learned that I cannot go back to where they are to help them. I can only go forward and pave a path that they may one day choose to follow.
continuing... OverTheRainbow
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2 comments:
This post really spoke to me. I'm at the point now where I need to step back and take care of myself. My sisters and brother are also bullied by my father, and I see what you had to go through to keep yourself sane, and find people who also "chose sanity". Thank you. I'll be back for more, as I don't have enough time to do your idea justice.
Hi Sara and welcome...I am so glad that you found my post helpful. I am comforted to know that what I've learned from my own painful experiences can be of use to others.
All the best to you...;)
OTR
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