I have recently learned some very good spending habits which have certainly made my life a lot better. It wasn't easy. It took a good two years to develop a spending plan that really seems to work for me and it is something that I continually refine as my life changes. For me the key to managing money was learning to live within the boundaries of the amount I make.
It occured to me today that what I learned about money can be applied to every aspect of life. Time management, food management (eating healthy) and one I had never thought of before... emotional management. I realized today (after having a good talk with a dear friend) that there have been many times (too many times) in my life that I have put myself into emotional bankruptcy. And just as I learned about money, I don't have to do that. Certainly there are emergencies that can't be avoided; that's a part of life. There are stressful situations in which we find ourselves unexpectedly. But even with money there is a category all by itself to save for the unexpected.
My emotional energy is just as precious and valuable as my money or my time. I need to be just as careful not to 'overdraw' my emotional bank account by planning too many emotionally draining events too close together, so that I have time to build up my reserves in between.
This past holiday season I didn't allow myself any space for mourning the fact that for another year my family still isn't and never will be the safe haven I had always hoped they would be. I just went thru the days as if they were no different from any other. Then my niece came to visit for a whole week, which was wonderful, but brought with it all the painful memories of how I was raised as a child. I see it happening to her and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Then she leaves and I never took into consideration how much I was going to miss her and at the same time feel guilty for being glad to have the house all to myself again.
In the meantime, I am of absolutely no good to anyone around me because I have allowed myself to be completely spent.
I am most grateful for my friends. They are the balance in my life. They truly love me no matter what and love me enough to point out when I am acting like I've lost my mind. Sometimes they are the only way that I know something is wrong. But with G-d's help I will change that. I will be working on a new spending plan... an emotional spending plan. And the first thing I need to learn is my limits. How much can I handle? What times am I stronger/weaker than others? What emotionally draining events can be avoided, which can by limited and how can they all be on my own terms?
thankful for your continued prayer and support.... OTR
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In some ways, the emotional lessons are the toughest to learn -- but you're tough too! I know you will come out stronger in the end, even if it doesn't seem that way while the turmoil is happening.
One of my mother's favorite lines when I tried to blame her for my problems ;-) was "You are an adult now, and at some point you need to be able to say 'my parents may have done a number on me but I'm an adult and I can choose to be otherwise.'" She had a crappy childhood in many ways (absent father {whose second wife was the mother of Mum's half-brother who was conceived before the divorce was final}, alcoholic mother, a grandfather who deliberately excluded her from his estate, and so on) but she was one of the sanest people I've ever met. If any of us turn out to be half the woman she was, we'll be in fine shape..... and you are well on your way there!
Your niece is fortunate to have you in her life. I'm sure you feel helpless sometimes in terms of helping her, but just your sane presence can go a long way towards providing an example of an alternate model for dealing with the world.
PS: My dad says that he'd be glad to adopt you as an honorary daughter.
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